only if

Only if I knew it earlier. Only if I know how to react. I'm gonna need anger management, I'm gonna need my pills again, it's strikes back once again, I'm freaking out. Crying my lung out, cried till all my tears are dried. Drain it out. Pull my heart out from my throat. Standing there and just saying no for everything. So hard to breath. So cold when I'm sitting all alone in this night. It's not lonely, is just that I'm feeling bad for myself. I'm pathetic, I'm nobody. Mummy and daddy love me, my sisters love me, I know, I know about that. But when it's come to this issues, I hope that they would care themselves more than me, cuz I'm just someone who's not really important. I come I stay and I leave, thats how life supposed to end. It's not end of the world, but I'm literally facing the end. White knight is bullshit, someone other than family who really does care about me is bullcrap. I will just sit here and wait for my judgement day. Hopefully it won't hurt much. Cuz I'm scared of pain. I'm okay, I'm fine. I'm all cool.