i'm losing control

Everything is falling apart, I can't breath, I can't even think. I dont even knows whats the point for living on this world anymore. I will the worlds end is true, so I can just die, easily. Don't need to worry about how to kill myself. I shouldn't have quit smoking, cuz if I didn't quit, I supposed to die because of lung cancer or whatever disease is it. I can breath no more, I'm getting lost. I'm losing the purpose of staying alive, to study, to be a good girl or good friend, good sister or good friend. I can't handle it, nor I can deal with it. I wish I could, I'm truthly am. But I can't. All the problems strikes together making me sick. I should have cut it deeper at the 1st place, so I don't need to deal with all these shits. Parent and family might be sad, but soon they will get over it, cuz middle child is pathetic, no one care. No. I'm a giver, I give everything I have just to help ppl, just to impress others. But what did I get as repay? No, only a title that I'm such a good friend. I'm not asking much, I just need someone who really knows what am I thinking and give me a hand when I'm falling down. I seriously wondering about my life. Seriously, nothing else seems matters to me anymore, even that u give me all the things in my wishlist, I can't be happy anymore. I'm lost, I'm losing myself in dark.