Friendship ?

Friendship.

Definition :

Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutualknowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for some, the practical execution of friendship is little more than thetrust that someone will not harm them

Recently, i just lost my best friend. Yes, she was my best best friend. Until now, i am still kinda sad of losing her.

Seriously i can't believe that the friendship between me and her will end up like this. Few weeks ago we were still discuss about our 5years trip. Where we want to go when we grow up.

But, when this guy come in, let's call him James. She found him in facebook (dang the most evil web in this world ), James is her old friend, they know each other for 10 years something. At that time, she was still together with her BF.

She text me the night when she found James, want me to call her, and i was wondering what so serious. But i didn't make the call cause i am just too tired at that time.

I went to find her for dinner the other night. That time i still don't know what she wanted to tell me. I asked her, and she told me that she found her long lost friend, and she is so so happy. Normally, if she tell me anything that make her happy, i will happy for her too. But, this time, i don't feel happy for her, at all. In facts, i think something going to happen. But i remain silent, i don't want to spoil her mood. She told me a lot of things about this James, they went out together blah...blah... He is so gentle blah..blah..blah..

I love her, but i feeling damn suxx when she tell me about another guy. I feel awkward and not comfortable.

Friend shall sharing everything to each other. I know, she told me everything, not hiding at all. But i never told her that my feeling on this guy.

Few days later. Somethings happened.

I rush to her house to try to make her feel better on what she lost. I thought that i can do anything to try to help her and her BF. Because, me and other always think that both of them are the most perfect couple. Yes, they do fight, but still, they manage to overcome. I know, cause she told me about these.

When i arrived the basement of her house, i saw her red eyes.

I know, she is really really sad and hurt.

We went to her house, in her room. i saw her crying, and tell me how these thing happen. I was listening, and feel sorry about that,

She told me that, she and her BF make a deal, when they meet next time, must give each other a big hug.

i don't feel like talk about the rest, because i don't really remember and i know my engrish is just too power and ppl might misunderstood.

Next day.

i was about to leaving my hostel to back to my hometown. Suddenly someone called me and told me that she didnt back to her home last night. They tried to call her but her phone is off.

i was panic at that time, really worry.

I called her xBF, and asked whether she with him. He told me he didnt see her since they broke up.

i called our both bestfren and told him what happened.

i texted our common friend to find her.

My hand is shaking, and i was keep thinking that is that any bad thing happen on her.

I even feel that i want to go and looking for her in the town.

But my parent call and want me to go home.

On my way drive back to my hometown, i was still keep trying to call and txt her.

Then, she called me back like after 5 or 6 hours after they called me.

She told me that she was with James.

She told me everything.

I was like kena stun by the warcraft hero. I told her that she should at least give me a message to tell me where she went.And, i told her that i called her xBF and friends to find her, because i know that if she found out by herself, she will be really unhappy.

As what i predict, she is sorta mad. She said that i shouldnt txt them, that's just too duo yu to text them to find her. i went speechless, and i said :" who else i can call or txt at the time ? what do you expect? "

Then i don't know how, but everything was okay at that time. After we talked on phone, she txted me and said that she will told me everything after this.

She sent me and our bestfriend a long mail. About what happen at that time when she was with James. after read the mail, i don't know why but i feel not that good.

We had a fight on MSN few days later because i told her that i cant accept she is in a new relationship with the James. Ya,i did told her to go with the flow, but inside my heart, i still hoping that she can be with her xBF again. we yelling each other on msn.

But both of us still care and love each other, so, we become good again after few hours.

Few days later, another thing happen, again.

She sent me a message on MSN last night, and i only read it in the morning. I am so damn pissed, i don't even know what the hell is going on, but she said she is disappointed on me. She said that i am double face ( sorta ) and so on. I reply her on msn , and i told her, i don't like that James, at all. I told her i am tired to explain anything cause i don't even think that i done anything wrong. What i have done is because i care and i worry about her. I don't even understand what is the point i want to make people feel that she is wrong. And i don't think is wrong if i want to remain the friendship between me and her xbf , xBF's lil sis.

after that, she sent me a long mail in Facebook.

she think that since i said thing like that, that is no way to hold this friendship.

she don't want to see me anymore.

she even ask me for my bank account to pay back the money she owe me.

she asked me to keep the cookies that i make for them cause she don't want'em.

i was stoned at that time.

I replied, and said sorry.

i told her i nvr regret to know her as bestfren.

and thanks for everything she done for me.

Like what she said,

It's end for good.

So, i will walk away from this.

I don't know what i will do if she want to be friend back with me again.

Because what she said is just so so hurtful and my wound still bleeding when i thinking back all these things.

But i know, we can never back to before.

The wall between us is just so hard to over it.

We can never back to the same.

We hurt each other with words

and the bond between us has gone, like what u said.

You said that you understand me well,

but still,

u accuse me as a double face,

If you really know me well,

u should know that i love to gossip,

but i never stab my friend from behind.

Like what you said,

don't even shed a tear for this friendship, it's gone for good.

You don't want to know,

You don't want to see.

I love you.

But the scar will still remain no matter how much medicine i put on it

I love you.

But the words u said is just so hurt and my heart still bleeding.

I love you.

But i know that there is not possible for me and you back to normal again.

Just hope that maybe few years later,

all these shit can be fade away,

and when meet in somewhere,

we can node and say hi.

We can go somewhere else to have a drink and talk.

Like what you said,

it's gone for good,

it's gone for good.